A Kawaii Memoir


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Posts tagged Self
Like Tired Roses

 Written 02/26/18 

I am tired. All my roses have died, but I remember their petals and essence along my body. I remember the color like I remember their memories. The sensation of their heat on my worn hands lingers over my violin strings. The glass that held cupid's love, is filled with lukewarm attentions and murky messages. So you see,I am tired of love that comes in the form of dying flowers. I cling to their form, seeking the eternal. I cling to their form lusting for the immortal.

How I miss these roses, those delicate petals, the ones that carcassed like fairies on my skin and danced like sin in my bathwater. While I desire the truth, for why my love in you inspires. I would much rather feel that you love yourself more than you love a woman like me. I’m that woman who smiles at flowers, and kisses the thorns away, bleeding in loyalty, treating that soul like royalty. I am the garden, I am your home, one day you’ll realize the tears that built this place were not created alone. The tears that built who I am, came from the memories of tired blood-red roses. 


- Jade 🌹 

The Way Your Body Bends

Written 02/03/17

When we met I didn't know, know you saw me as a goddess. You viewed me far better and beyond the ugliness of the scars in my mind. The corrupting memories that I thought made my body ugly. You told me I was divine, that i was beyond your vocabulary to describe but you tried anyway. 

In our intimate moments, we cherished one another, hiding our perceived imperfections even though we saw one another as beautiful. I feared that you would see the ugly experiences on my body. Fearing that you would condemn my body as useless. Tell me my body and everything I am was less than your desires.

How wrong my mind comprehended desire cause come our date of cheesesteaks and teriyaki we sat together and I asked.  I asked what about me you found attractive, anticipating that you would tell me what you didn't like. You answered with a smile, the way my body bends. 

I laughed, as i understood the way an artist like you would view me, to see me move and exist and love me more. I held your hand and watched that smile reach your eyes as it remembered how my body bends. 

Cactus (2017)

Written 09/02/17

I enclosed my skin in thorns

Thinking my armor

As tough as a cactus

Still my ebony skin

Neither thick or thin

Bristled at your touches

And screamed to be alone

These thorns will save me

My protection from a sea

It’s only sand as far as my

Island can see

Where many grow

With seeds to throw

One thing to ask and know,

“Why does a desert cactus

Drown in a wintered sorrow?”

I’ll answer it then,

When I recall my memories sin

“It remembers yesterday’s fears

as a forever tomorrow”


question if it is me,  

A plant hurt in a season

With no physical reason

Wondering when to cry

So you see, 

The blackest thorns

That my skin adorns

Isn’t tough, 

or rough to others

It’s a wound 

for my mind

A pain that smothers

Sweet desert cactus, 

who’s life is satisfied

why hold a winter pride

- 🌵