A Kawaii Memoir


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Posts tagged Pride
Lost Millennial Generation

We don’t know who we are anymore.

We were lost in the sea. No lost on land.

Just lost.

This is the cost we must pay, despite the fact we did not run up this tab. We were never here to destroy the world that we live in. Instead just born into the corrupt environment that they blame us for. This is why we are lost. What can we give of ourselves when we are too busy fixing the mistakes of those before us. How can we identify when the world cries. How can we prove our worth as a generation. We are healing the scars of generations but it is a slow journey. We are seeking the knowledge abandoned by the mighty white conquerors but much is lost. We are creating a place safer for the fluctuating definition of what life means to us, but it is met by cruelty. So yes we are lost, but not by our doing. We are trapped in the cycle of fixing and fixing. Taking what messes they that came before us made and making miracles. Reshaping the complexity and uniqueness of humanity. Voicing the history of those forgotten. Understanding each other better. We take care of you, we save you, we protect you. Still we are lost only guided by bitterness, fear, and judgement from the mess makers before us.

Still we are lost, the me among the rest of the Millennials. Lost fixing and being the best of ourselves under the weight of generations. ~ Jade 🌵

My Deity Called Pride (2017)

Written 09/29/17

Ranking the seven deadly sins, I realized my first was Pride. Followed by wrath, then lust... but the others, afflictions rarely encountered came after. The most important, the biggest sin of sins, was mine. Pride. I had an idea of myself that lingered in contempt and prestige. I belittled those who challenged my presence, and smiled to those who complimented it. 

Pride, was the warden of a prison i wanted to be in. Day in, day out I was at the feet of a cruel beautiful idea. I worshiped the visage of Pride that reflected only myself. 

That I rose in pride meant that I would fall with it. I crept up into a place that led to a void. A pit so deep, that nothing would survive the eventual wreck. Pride will never save you when you need it. 

Pride isn’t there to wipe your tears when your father threatens your mother. Pride isn’t giving excuses for his drug abuse. Pride isnt around to protect you from assault. Pride isn’t there to stop the violence of your thoughts. Pride isn’t there to keep you safe when he calls. Pride isn’t there when all those folk who complimented your beautiful body are no where to be seen. Pride isn’t there when the contents of a bottle carress your throat. Pride isn’t Here! 

Where are you Pride? Why did you leave? 

This body is weary, this mind is broken, all these wishes for your blessings are forsaken. Pride comes before the fall, but after you fell who do you call? 

Wrath? Lust? Greed? Envy? Gluttony? Or Sloth? 

Who is next on my list of deities to consider while I cope with a perpetuating list of issues that pride had me hide. All to abide in today’s society with a smile on my face and a sneer in every mirror. Oh Pride, my ride, my moon and tide... how you’ve forsaken me. Still I clutch to the strings of a long torn robe, wondering when my god comes back and fixes this mess. This mess I call me.