Why is it that we see ourselves in shadows? A version of our existence that extends itself before us. It's not just light, and tricks that follow us, but the memory of our presence in this time and place. It is the reminder that here in this moment you are living, and no matter what shadows encase us we exist.
So we see ourselves in our shadows, whether it is the moment we step outside or in the space where we stand. We see ourselves when we sit and when we grieve. We see ourselves among others and alone. No matter where we are, our shadows are there, an afterthought to the time and space we choose to exist in.
A reminder of the life we lead. An afterimage to the existence of the person we were meant to be.
I am tired. All my roses have died, but I remember their petals and essence along my body. I remember the color like I remember their memories. The sensation of their heat on my worn hands lingers over my violin strings. The glass that held cupid's love, is filled with lukewarm attentions and murky messages. So you see,I am tired of love that comes in the form of dying flowers. I cling to their form, seeking the eternal. I cling to their form lusting for the immortal.
How I miss these roses, those delicate petals, the ones that carcassed like fairies on my skin and danced like sin in my bathwater. While I desire the truth, for why my love in you inspires. I would much rather feel that you love yourself more than you love a woman like me. I’m that woman who smiles at flowers, and kisses the thorns away, bleeding in loyalty, treating that soul like royalty. I am the garden, I am your home, one day you’ll realize the tears that built this place were not created alone. The tears that built who I am, came from the memories of tired blood-red roses.
- Jade 🌹
When we met I didn't know, know you saw me as a goddess. You viewed me far better and beyond the ugliness of the scars in my mind. The corrupting memories that I thought made my body ugly. You told me I was divine, that i was beyond your vocabulary to describe but you tried anyway.
In our intimate moments, we cherished one another, hiding our perceived imperfections even though we saw one another as beautiful. I feared that you would see the ugly experiences on my body. Fearing that you would condemn my body as useless. Tell me my body and everything I am was less than your desires.
How wrong my mind comprehended desire cause come our date of cheesesteaks and teriyaki we sat together and I asked. I asked what about me you found attractive, anticipating that you would tell me what you didn't like. You answered with a smile, the way my body bends.
I laughed, as i understood the way an artist like you would view me, to see me move and exist and love me more. I held your hand and watched that smile reach your eyes as it remembered how my body bends.