Jadedisland
A Kawaii Memoir

Poetry

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Posts tagged Healing
Mixtape Friendship

Written 05/10/18

Doll it out, advertise it, market the kindness in every track. Sell it like an addiction, but disguise it as a trend. 

I'm kind, I love your outfits, we are the best of friends. I'll take care of you until the end, we are ride or die. 

 

Track one, completed the introduction and the lure of an intimacy in a friendly relationship seduction. 

Track two, the first memory, at last, a memory to last lifetimes. 

Track three, the first slip up, why did they do this to me?

Track four, forgiveness cause it'll be fine.

Track five, memories to hold you in place. 

Track six, fuck. 

Track seven, messed up again, more slip up...begging for forgiveness. 

Track eight, the whispers to other people. The rumors and fake smiles

Track nine, they stop listening but were you ever listened to?

Track Ten, times up, they are gone. 

 

Bonus Track you're left wondering where you went wrong, as the memories flood in with the orchestra serenading one last diss track. 

 

Welcome to the toxic friendship mixtape. 

- MC Empress Jade

Unladen Dark Wishes

Written 04/20/18 

Taught not to cry.

Okay, I’ll die.

I’ll curl inside

Embalm my soul

Teach myself to withhold

Lie to keep smiles

Truth under denial

I’ll teach myself

Not to exist

To breathe alone

Never ask for prayers

Seek nothing

Understand nothing

Trouble nothing

Touch no one

Hug no one

Be no one

This is why

now I cry.


I don’t want to die, but it feels like a truth. - Jade 🌵

Just Once

Please, is a whisper from a special type of beggar. There is a desperation in these words that asks for pride to be set aside. Just apologize, just once is a plea.


Yes, it hurts those words that rival the first serpent. Yes, those temptations to succumb to despair came out of that mouth. The mess of falling hair, and tear-stained care is never enough to pull out these apologies.


Is this suffering not enough? That that the mere idea of apologizing is a rash on your tongue. Pain is the cause of your swelling throat so conveniently blessed with silence? How much does it take for a couple words or a moment of empathy. Can you never do wrong?


It's not you that's the problem. Nor is it the actions done by your hands, your lips, or your mind. Those words will never fall from your lips. Never to remind the victim they still matter. This is the game isn't it, to see how many apologies it takes to know my place. An apology suits a loser not those worthy of fame. That's narcissism, never one to take the blame. Always there to remind the beggar that apologies are lame.

 

~ Jade 🌵 

Lost Millennial Generation

We don’t know who we are anymore.

We were lost in the sea. No lost on land.

Just lost.

This is the cost we must pay, despite the fact we did not run up this tab. We were never here to destroy the world that we live in. Instead just born into the corrupt environment that they blame us for. This is why we are lost. What can we give of ourselves when we are too busy fixing the mistakes of those before us. How can we identify when the world cries. How can we prove our worth as a generation. We are healing the scars of generations but it is a slow journey. We are seeking the knowledge abandoned by the mighty white conquerors but much is lost. We are creating a place safer for the fluctuating definition of what life means to us, but it is met by cruelty. So yes we are lost, but not by our doing. We are trapped in the cycle of fixing and fixing. Taking what messes they that came before us made and making miracles. Reshaping the complexity and uniqueness of humanity. Voicing the history of those forgotten. Understanding each other better. We take care of you, we save you, we protect you. Still we are lost only guided by bitterness, fear, and judgement from the mess makers before us.

Still we are lost, the me among the rest of the Millennials. Lost fixing and being the best of ourselves under the weight of generations. ~ Jade 🌵