Jadedisland

Poetry

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Her Inferno (2017)

Written 11/25/17

Gambled away this heart frequently

It was leaps of faith, with arms wide open that led me to travel alongside his inferno

These dreams of love, paid in silver, to the ferryman named societal ideals. The love boat carried me over rivers of sorrow and empty tomorrows.

First gamble, I had faith in false promises. The trust in a beautiful tongue, that had no taste for me. As flavorful as I am, in the end I'm merely an acquired taste.  

Within my second gamble, I lusted too hard, erasing my sexuality for voices long gone. 

By my third gamble, i was greedy, thinking my body enough to pass for concepts of grandeur. I basked in the mud of modern notions for lonely women.

Fourth gamble is pillow talk, the deep conversations after many primal demonstrations. Now what love I had is anxious and toxic. A confusion from affectionate delusions. 

Fifth is resentment of memories of you. The time we spent together was fucked up. With Wrath as a muse, erasing your essence is a pleasure better than solo orgasms.  

Sixth time around I'm marching and proclaiming my willingness to just be alone. Worship this literature while I preach singlehood from lonely lips.

Seventh gamble is the murder of my pride. I begged, I fought, I cried for this soap opera bullshit. I cried alone, I told no one about how I felt, because this was hell. No tears for this emotional gore that I suffer day in and out. 

I thought I deserved this hell. Cause there is no calamity quite like loneliness in a woman who feels no love for herself.