Jadedisland

Mentality

The various moments in my life, along with advice, motivations and fashionable perspectives. 

 Cleric - Yukijoro

Inspired by my academic pursuit and personal roots with psychology, mental health, and healing Yukijoro is the second facet I named. The myth of the fantasy creature/spirit and ice deity spoke to me when I read about, "the woman who died in winter". After experiencing and overcoming some of severe trials of my own, I often felt like I was trapped in ice, looking towards a positive and beautiful world. So the frozen healer holding a mirror is one of my perceptions of self. My stronger, but perhaps melancholic, muse helped me through loneliness and isolation by reshaping my writing voice and emotive style. The focus of my writing style under the influence of my inner muse yukijoro is "mentality" and the overall reflection of the emotions that lie deep within. My hope is to process the life lived and the life I hold now. Of all my writing voices, this is the most true to the me now, I am still the woman who is healing from her winter. This facet has the most presence on my blog, as she is the one reflecting on my journey and experiences. 

You can catch this guide on my main blog sharing my wisdom, experiences, and reflections. 

20181118_000712036_iOS.jpg
_20190121_125013.JPG

Working towards more fulfilling self-love and exploration is the goal of all my writing, and why I explore how I navigate my life. If you feel you need help building an emotive goal, you can now email or message me at your discretion. - E&HS: Setting Emotive Goals

A Note from Jade

These glimpses of my life like chapters of breathing memoir vary from topic to topic. Some are heavy, and some are light please keep in mind that these are moments from my life past, present, and dreams for the future. -Jade


Chapter 8: Waiting

I wait all night for replies from absent people

Twenty-three years is not really a long time, but for me, it feels like it. While I was getting my nails done, thanks to the kindness of my grandmother, the nail artist asked me if I was patient. I said yes without any real hesitation alongside a chuckle. I mean how could I not be patient. The concept and virtue were drilled into me as a child. The phrase I grew up hating, but living based on its conditioning, was "Patience is a virtue", little did I know that the scripture had more than one virtue within its religious text. Often, I believe that my patience is a curse upon me. Patience as a young child grew into tolerance as a young woman. Tolerance was my new patience. This was my dark passenger as I keep re-watching the show Dexter, the terms keep popping in my head.

No amount of manners, politeness, or patience should be an excuse to put up with what I do. Truthfully, in my own journey through life, it has been a special type of struggle to correct this instinct and physically voice my disdain for how I am treated. There is no elegance in being treated poorly. I refuse to believe that turning the other cheek was meant to be used so liberally. Am I really supposed to sit idle, and smile like I won a trophy when some snaps in my face? It is expected of me to remain calm when threatened or insulted. What power lies in being belittled or hearing those you care about belittled. Explain to me why i'm supposed despite the violence and aggression, be the better person and take this damage. I am human, not a screen, or doll for the world to tear a part for fun. Remind me where the logic is in this assumption. Sit still, smile, and make the other person feel better. A manta so deeply embedded into my being, i feel it slither about my skin like magic. Patience is what some call it. Tolerance is what it was other days. 

Patience can be positive and have excellent motivations and results. Tolerance is often negative and produces results we never wanted. Two sides of the same coin, often indistinguishable from one another. It's a painful thing to be aware of. However, something deep within me worries about what happens when tolerance and patience wear out. What will I do when all that energy is lost because it was wasted on the wrong people. There is no amount of sheet masks, anime, or cute aesthetic blogs to recharge the type of energy it takes to be truly patient, or tolerate the wrong things. 

I suppose we will have to see won't we dear reader, how many flips of this coin are left.

Holding on to my gems, and praying that the political unrest and its aftermath don't drain it all. It's a miracle I made it through 2016 & 2017 intact, and able to love like I do. I'm waiting, I'm hopeful, and I'm learning. There is a difference between patience and tolerance. 

-Empress Jade

Find more thoughts, prose, blog posts, and ramblings of a chaotic woman on my blog. Comments, questions, concerns, inquiries, and shares are always welcome.