Chapter 4: Bitter Joys
It is difficult to please myself.
Happy Monday, if such a thing exists in this reality. Which I'm sure it does somewhere for someone. Just usually not for me, cause Mondays remind me of eight am classes and the taste of expired orange juice. There are some bright Monday mornings that just reek of ill-timed fire alarms and foundation stains on my blouses. It's always a rush to make Monday just work. Well before you rush off into another week bristling with work, kids, school, or even chores I want to offer some insight on being Bitter.
What does it mean to be bitter?
To have bitterness is to carry anger, hurt, or resentment because of one's bad experiences or a sense of unjust treatment.
Its 2018 do we still want to be bitter? Is it the most effective way to emote and act at this point in our lives? The answer is a hard No. Although, as a once frequent bitter queen I understand how difficult it is to let go of bitterness. Bitterness is the new Envy or Jealousy. Its climbed the ranks in emotional responses in our capitalistic and material world. Bitterness is also easier to maintain, you can honestly marinate years on this feeling from one experience. If you don't believe me, recall something your parents never let go of or forgot about and constantly reminded you about.
Bitterness is also a habit. It is a friend.
Where is Bitterness prevalent?
Well, it can touch upon any aspect of your life really. If i had to list where I've seen it and where I experienced it the most:
- Couple Aesthetics
- Status of Employment
- Dream jobs
- Career hierarchy
- Academic Progress
These instances are places where your progress is comparable to others. In these moments and experiences, it's easy to see your achievements as less or even stagnate compared to others. Here is the truth, the one i needed to hear from many but taught myself.
No matter where you are in your life, your progress is valid. The pace at which you accomplish or do things does not diminish the fact that what you are doing is progress. Time is an illusion, it's a manmade idea, that we all follow. To succumb to the responbility of time for your accomplishments and progress will cause you to wallow in negativity. It honestly does not matter how fast or how slow it takes you. Progress is progress.
Process your achievements big and small with positivity. When you start to do this you leave bitterness to coffee and the unseasoned shit at an acquaintance's awkward house party. There is no shame in finding joy in little things. Add time to process your perceived setbacks positively, and you'll find it helps with realigning your dreams or plans. The bullet journal trend honestly seemed silly for the longest, but as I and some close friends made some and find them helpful for setting up plans. It brings me into focus and shows me positive outcomes in my dark days. Trust that your progress is valid. This small thought will make an impact on your day to day mentality.
There were many days I wished someone would remind me that I've come through my experiences and done a lot. Especially at the age, I am now. So many of my peers have a stable job, are in grad school, travelled outside of the country, are in relationships, married, or have kids. Yet here I am with a blog with little following now, some pen and paper, and an Instagram addiction. I've still achieved something, and I keep telling myself that. My progress after a toxic and abusive relationship is valid. My progress after school is valid. My progress in learning who I am and living my truth is valid. All of this and more, I did it! To question my worth by the time it takes for me to exist at the level of my peers is heart-wrenching for me.
I'm working on this mentality now. Seeing my progress as valid is the boost I needed in experiencing better Mondays and existing. Its a small wisdom, and some might see it as a ridiculous thing to remind yourself to do. Still, it's a mantra that makes my perception of tomorrows better. We are human.
I hope this helped, and look forward to more from me soon, Jade
Trust your progress