Jadedisland

Mentality

The various moments in my life, along with advice, motivations and fashionable perspectives. 

 Cleric - Yukijoro

Inspired by my academic pursuit and personal roots with psychology, mental health, and healing Yukijoro is the second facet I named. The myth of the fantasy creature/spirit and ice deity spoke to me when I read about, "the woman who died in winter". After experiencing and overcoming some of severe trials of my own, I often felt like I was trapped in ice, looking towards a positive and beautiful world. So the frozen healer holding a mirror is one of my perceptions of self. My stronger, but perhaps melancholic, muse helped me through loneliness and isolation by reshaping my writing voice and emotive style. The focus of my writing style under the influence of my inner muse yukijoro is "mentality" and the overall reflection of the emotions that lie deep within. My hope is to process the life lived and the life I hold now. Of all my writing voices, this is the most true to the me now, I am still the woman who is healing from her winter. This facet has the most presence on my blog, as she is the one reflecting on my journey and experiences. 

You can catch this guide on my main blog sharing my wisdom, experiences, and reflections. 

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Working towards more fulfilling self-love and exploration is the goal of all my writing, and why I explore how I navigate my life. If you feel you need help building an emotive goal, you can now email or message me at your discretion. - E&HS: Setting Emotive Goals

A Note from Jade

These glimpses of my life like chapters of breathing memoir vary from topic to topic. Some are heavy, and some are light please keep in mind that these are moments from my life past, present, and dreams for the future. -Jade


Chapter 39: Not My Finest Hour

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“If I gave it up would I even still be me.”

I get these moments where I think, “wow Jade you’re such a Leo, a damn drama queen.” Which to be fair, I can be a tad dramatic. I think it comes with the territory of being a storyteller. I mean why be small about things, when you can say it with your chest. The more detail, the better. I might behave grand, but I don’t view myself grandly. I wear a crown part time not full time. I’m highly aware that I make mistakes, blunders, all around problematic adjacent lifestyle choices. Unpacking generational curses, discovering myself, forming an identity comes with messing up a lot. I’m not perfect no matter how much time and energy I put in the perception of it. This is also why I chose to focus on authenticity. Plenty of energy is wasted in perception and not life.

A couple of years ago I worked on a project using the words “perception” and “distortion” as a theme and idea to explore. It was a lot of fun playing cameraman and living in the abstract world. I think about that class project a lot, and well how it really went over my peers heads. If I revisited the project, I would start by switching “Distortion” with “Perfection.” Intertwining these words I feel would have us examine why we invest in these concepts. Examining the time I spend curating my image on the social webs and building Jadedisland, I ask myself “If I gave it up would I even still be me?”. This question gives me pause. The type of pause before the existential crisis at 3 am and a lot of “shit-posting” on Facebook or Twitter.

There was a time I would get irritated at the idea people thought I was fake, or even questioned my authenticity. I have always been myself, at least that’s what I thought. The energy was wasted trying to be my most perfect self, that’s where the perception came to play. That’s the source of “fake.” While there is truth in fact, is I am always myself, but the real problem is I leave out the parts that aren’t curated or perfect. I can never be perfect, and I try to work on accepting that. My hours aren’t spent in a state of pink glitter. Most of my hours are the residual coffee grounds at the bottom of a stained cup. Can I be more? Yes, absolutely. I can be whatever I want to be no matter the ups and downs. What I won’t be is ashamed in my lack of perfection anymore. Now that is authenticity for you.