Chapter 38: Friendship Soliloquy
Empress & Her Spectacle: Friendship Soliloquy
I really need to celebrate friendships more. It’s not easy being friends with me, I’m told that I am an acquired taste. Do I take pride in the idea that people only want to associate with me in small bursts, absolutely not. It is isolating. It makes me feel that I’m on a social ball and chain and only pulled into the light when needed or useful. This is the feeling I came to understand really impacted me during the great “shattering” of this pink diamond. I was entirely at odds with loving myself and finding a way to maintain friendships during a time of severe self-hatred.
To Be or Not to Be a Better Friend:
If I wrote a monologue on the troubles of proclaiming toxicity and ghosting friends I would end it shouting “Communicate to me better than old R&B love songs.” When I reflect on friendships past, I think about what went wrong, and the solid unifying theme is COMMUNICATION. The second thing I realized is no friendship is worth harping over if both parties weren’t invested in the bond enough to actually communicate before setting off into the sunset of Facebook Time lapses. The truth is who I hold to the evergreen standard of friendship is a slim list. Friendship to me is lasting, its an evergreen and flourishing garden of our dreams, growth, and experiences. Always moving forward and growing. In my adult years, I realized friendships are still strong even if it's not a daily text and bestie post. It's about just being there and caring.
Friends are also who I trust, who I feel can be present in my life for ups and downs. Someone who only wants to celebrate success is not a friend. Someone who just comes around when you’re at your lowest is not a friend. Someone who disappears when it's your bad time is not a friend. Someone who appears only when you are mildly succeeding and gaining traction is not a friend. The yin and yang nonsense of who wants to be around your cinema level story is exhausting. Are you a hero or a villain? Just sit back and examine your social interactions. Reverse engineer how active and interactive these engagements are. You’ll find that looking at your social interactions you want to build upon some friendships, and others let go. Regardless of this decision communicate your feelings on the matter. Don’t ghost someone into being a social media bystander it's cruel.
In the Final Act:
Closing out friendship is also not an easy thing. Whether it be in 8 sentences written by an Instagram girlfriend for you, or perhaps over the perception of what it means to be an ally in political unrest for a person of color choose to communicate efficiently without cruelty. The harshest experiences I remember is how I was cut off and how I cut others off. It used to be an experience that required review from friends to make sure I don’t sound mean and made sense. I put a lot of care in making sure how I communicate would not leave bad feelings or resentments but presented a clear picture. In the present time, I still do much of the same. Why? I found I still care even after the door closes. The aftermath I try to minimize as much as I can. I’ve had successes and failures in this endeavor. What I wish I knew before all this mess, that communicating can also hurt me in the process if I’m not ready or receptive to it.
Take time to cool off, and reevaluate before communicating your byes or fixing anything with friends. Once alone, or isolated you’ll realize how icy it is. Friendship with me isn’t impossible, I just wish I knew this a lot sooner in my adult years. What have you come to realize?
Thank you For Reading today’s Musings and whims under mentality. Let me know if you had any reflections or thoughts after reading. Tell me about your ended friendships and how you wish things did or did not end up! - Jade