Chapter 10: Focus
If the sky can weep, so can I.
Growing up I admired a lot of odd things. I loved the way blonde hair had a glow to it. The complexity of love triangles inspired childish dreams and peculiar questions. Whiffs of body spray used to delight me. Yes, there was a time in my confusing middle school through high school life that I was admiring some whack shit. I was in awe of things outside of myself, that seemed free of the problems I had. I was in love with the idea of not being me.
Sometimes I still am. During my experiences, and the train wreck of my twenties that I'm currently living I started to admire better things. Conceptual and abstract admiration for things that were not physical but exist nonetheless. My grandmother, on my fathers' side, whom for fun we will call Dr. Scorpio said that sometimes my writing can be really abstract. I theorize that the reason is that I am a student of psychology & literature. My interests go from the internal examination of why we are the way we are to the art of storytelling and poetic language. My interests intertwine and work together, but I'm not sure where my abilities will take me or how it will help anyone. I thought psychology and writing were lovers meant to be. A dynamic that sparkled brighter than gemstones. Simply a muse between the intricacy of the mind and complexity of the heart. It all makes sense to me. Well, why wouldn't it? To know yourself is to better yourself.
However, living and breathing capitalism, corrupted politics, and materialism all day can really cloud living to the fullest. Its a constant stream of negativity, violence, and despair. So when the world is entrenched in despair, whats left to admire but things that contribute to that? Wrong, cut that mentality in half and throw it away in opposite places. There is plenty to admire in a world like this. Admire perseverance, admire determination, and admire focus in a reality so bleak. Admire the traits in those who slide into your life like a fresh meme. Admire the smile from a shy friend. Admire the strength of those facing things beyond their social media persona. Admire the taste of your favorite drink after feeling like your world is ending. Whether you believe that I'm walking around pinpointing some abstract things to admire like a psycho, or simply someone who can still love humanity after all its wrong. Trust in the voice that reminds you that you are a warrior. That next smile will come sooner than you think. This bleak world hasn't stolen it all just yet, there is still life to admire while we fight to survive. There is still love past tears. There is something out here for all of us, we just need to focus. Focus, breathe and drink some water. There is plenty to do for us warriors weary from fighting it all. Trust in the hope that comes in admiration. Find your light in that which inspires us.
I'm signing off, but I have more stories to tell, and more muses to share - Empress Jade
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