Jadedisland

Mentality

The various moments in my life, along with advice, motivations and fashionable perspectives. 

 Cleric - Yukijoro

Inspired by my academic pursuit and personal roots with psychology, mental health, and healing Yukijoro is the second facet I named. The myth of the fantasy creature/spirit and ice deity spoke to me when I read about, "the woman who died in winter". After experiencing and overcoming some of severe trials of my own, I often felt like I was trapped in ice, looking towards a positive and beautiful world. So the frozen healer holding a mirror is one of my perceptions of self. My stronger, but perhaps melancholic, muse helped me through loneliness and isolation by reshaping my writing voice and emotive style. The focus of my writing style under the influence of my inner muse yukijoro is "mentality" and the overall reflection of the emotions that lie deep within. My hope is to process the life lived and the life I hold now. Of all my writing voices, this is the most true to the me now, I am still the woman who is healing from her winter. This facet has the most presence on my blog, as she is the one reflecting on my journey and experiences. 

You can catch this guide on my main blog sharing my wisdom, experiences, and reflections. 

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Working towards more fulfilling self-love and exploration is the goal of all my writing, and why I explore how I navigate my life. If you feel you need help building an emotive goal, you can now email or message me at your discretion. - E&HS: Setting Emotive Goals

A Note from Jade

These glimpses of my life like chapters of breathing memoir vary from topic to topic. Some are heavy, and some are light please keep in mind that these are moments from my life past, present, and dreams for the future. -Jade


Chapter 15: Love During My War

The tea gets cold faster these days. 

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Sleeping beauty used to be a fairy tale I admired. Well, until I learned its darker truths in an older version of the story. Truths I didn't expect to be a reality for me. It's not easy surviving, and the fools who think it is should step away from saying it to me. Surviving is not attractive, or something to make me this golden soul in the abyss of time. Surviving is a difference of circumstances that just makes stepping forward harder. The world met me with dirt, and I'm trying to make gems. 

When people ask if I'm okay, I tell them I'm fine. Its the narrative I found easier to present as time went on, and my experiences kept overlapping in ways I did not know to be prepared for. Its one thing to look like your thriving, it's another to maintain that in conversation. So many instances the past few months where I felt that shattering, was not a strong enough word to describe my internal wars. I try. I try again. I fail, and I fail some more. It is a cycle of barely making it to thriving to returning back to surviving. So then comes the question of how can I dare love myself in the middle of a war that I fight every breath I take. Do I even have time for it? Can I love myself without guilt or personal reprimand? 

I think more than ever because I'm surviving, love is the most important. Especially since, in a life that offers little, love and support are all I can claim past my hurried words. Thus why through this time, I've been greeted with an odd but startling perception of the world. That the depths of empathy and kindness are unfathomable. Trust me when I say, to take the emotional battering I do and still smile is a cosmic miracle. I've found that my compassion and empathy are constantly rising, despite the decrease in patience and energy. In a world so bleak, I discovered a vulnerability and overwhelming moment of being human. I refuse to be ashamed of finding the time and space to love myself, especially when i know I need love. 

Where is the heaven, that my soul needs? Even in poetry, peace is not written by me. Distrust, lust, and agony are my muses. A church is not where love is. My home is not where love is. That I am capable of producing love, I know that i deserve it. Am I wrong to love myself during the war within? No. 

So remember to love yourself first, Empress Jade


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