Jadedisland

Mentality

The various moments in my life, along with advice, motivations and fashionable perspectives. 

 Cleric - Yukijoro

Inspired by my academic pursuit and personal roots with psychology, mental health, and healing Yukijoro is the second facet I named. The myth of the fantasy creature/spirit and ice deity spoke to me when I read about, "the woman who died in winter". After experiencing and overcoming some of severe trials of my own, I often felt like I was trapped in ice, looking towards a positive and beautiful world. So the frozen healer holding a mirror is one of my perceptions of self. My stronger, but perhaps melancholic, muse helped me through loneliness and isolation by reshaping my writing voice and emotive style. The focus of my writing style under the influence of my inner muse yukijoro is "mentality" and the overall reflection of the emotions that lie deep within. My hope is to process the life lived and the life I hold now. Of all my writing voices, this is the most true to the me now, I am still the woman who is healing from her winter. This facet has the most presence on my blog, as she is the one reflecting on my journey and experiences. 

You can catch this guide on my main blog sharing my wisdom, experiences, and reflections. 

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Working towards more fulfilling self-love and exploration is the goal of all my writing, and why I explore how I navigate my life. If you feel you need help building an emotive goal, you can now email or message me at your discretion. - E&HS: Setting Emotive Goals

A Note from Jade

These glimpses of my life like chapters of breathing memoir vary from topic to topic. Some are heavy, and some are light please keep in mind that these are moments from my life past, present, and dreams for the future. -Jade


Chapter 28: The Need to Give Up

Empress & Her Spectacle: The Need to Give Up

This week showed me what giving up looks like, what happens when energy is zero, and how easy it is to think alone is better. I had a rough week with more ups and downs than the street chisel tool that I can’t remember the name of... ah, wait it’s a jack hammer. Anyway, I was 100% sure that a lonely path is better for me because it genuinely felt like I don’t receive the same consideration whenever I experience emotional issues. Other times it felt like you have to be some beautiful goddess for people to care about your emotional well-being. It equally also felt like that even at my lowest I’m still expected to be 180% helping others with no regard for myself. That made me feel physically ill. The idea and feeling that when I’m experiencing my worst if I’m not at my best, I’ll be dismissed, written off, receive passive hallmark card encouragement, and more from those I cherish. I wanted to disappear back into myself, and forget about seeking social solace anywhere ever again.

 Under emotional duress that felt like my best option. I had to stop my fast train of disappearance and realize while I’m more equipped to handle breakdowns and heavy emotional duress from others I can’t expect others to be for me. I can’t put friends on that level of support when they are still working on them. Being a support system takes so much work, research, Energy, and experience sometimes that it takes time to be a solid support to others. The second thing is adult stress is like no other... all the outside factors that contribute to my permanent stress load is a lot. People need to breathe and heal without the demand to be giving more energy than they already have. Without the space to process the overwhelming urge to give up gets stronger.

 I can't tell you that i'll never have the feeling of giving up again, cause I know I will. Its the option that a perfectionist like myself figures is better than failing. Its a feeling everyone and anyone can experience. Giving up is the feeling you begin to cherish when it feels like walls surround you and nothing is getting better. To slip into disappearance when facing a challenge is a natural transition mentally. To fight the feeling of giving up is harder. The next time you feel like giving up examine the feeling, and the source of it.

 Perhaps you needed to see things differently or try a different way. In my case, I realized that my experience of such a massive emotional break was nothing my social media friends, or even some of my close friends are equipped to handle. It didn't mean they didn't try to help, and I can't blame them for the lack of success. Instead, I can review the experience as a push to find an outlet that does help, to find someone who can talk me through a panic attack and help me through anxiety.

 

I wrote some wisdom; I shared via facebook.

 

"This weeks lesson: It’s harmful to keep trying to help and work through internal turmoil, your efforts don’t yield the positive energy you wish to bring."

"Second lesson: Sometimes your friends just can’t help you, and to treat them poorly or distance yourself because they did not isn’t an answer. Not everyone is equipped to handle mental illness and various emotional breaks. Don’t push away people who try and fail but if you see that people don’t try at all, that’s when you leave."

 

I leave you with this to consider and to let you know you aren't alone in feeling like its the perfect time to give up. On my island, inside of what makes me, Jade, I feel like the world is waiting with baited breath for me to stop trying and give it all up. A part of me is always there on the edge of giving up.


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