A Kawaii Memoir


The various moments in my life, along with advice, motivations and fashionable perspectives. 

E&HS: Rated R for No Patience

Empress & Her Spectacle: Rated R for No Patience

Patience and I are long time lovers in agony. I’ve spent time developing the person I am. I have experienced life in ways that don’t match my pink presentations of kindness. Once you see some sides of the world it’s hard to unsee it or smile through it. The other day someone from my Instagram pod commented on my photo telling me I should smile more. What if I can’t? What if it’s difficult to produce smiles for a brand that represents everything but. My jaded island is surrounded by a chaotic storm. All the energy I’ve ever felt still lingers in my mind. 

Patience is something people imagine is a peaceful process. When the reality is it’s a ticking bomb. That resets once the patience is no longer needed. Some people have longer spurts of patience than others and can deal with so much. While some have short fuses and chaos is assured at the end of the limit. To me, patience is painful. It’s the Bible verse, fruits of wisdom instilled from youth that haunt me like a complex demon. Often patience is the answer from those offering advice in situations that needed legitimate thoughtful responses. This is why patience is painful. Plenty of days have gone by and I’m wandering down the same road of tolerance wondering why I am the way I am. Questioning the purpose of my existence if all it is patience. 

Patience via Planet Earth:

Still, while I’m stuck in the matrix that is the American Dream, I’ve been met with an oddness in my socializing. Where I am patient in many things, others are not or even with me. There is a rush to answer, to exist in the same space, or in general a rush to leave. My problem is, after a lot of bad I take in good a lot slower, I process and address slower. I tread water better than myths do. In my experience, the rush is not needed, but it's forced. 


Examining how we as a society push for ”we need it now” and how instant gratification is a culture within us is scary. In our desire for the newest, or instant lifestyle we lost empathy. We lost the appreciation for slower moments in our hazey need for speed. Consider how as a franchise we glorify the “fast life” in cinema. The Ocean Eleven series, Fast & Furious, and other big scandal and dangerous need for some form of gratification. I’m getting out of hand here, let’s look a little more intimately. The reality is we lose our patience in our everyday interactions. We forget to take our time with friends, lovers, and family so easily relying on the ties of our bonds to hold us steady. 

Unfortunately, I know all too well, how much pain there is to experience when being patient and requiring for someone else to be with you. I’m saddened by the idea that over time as I grew older my understanding of patience opened my eyes to how little is exchanged in my minuscule world. It takes time and understanding to be someone’s friend, to help them, to be there, and to encourage them. Too readily do we rush our friends to confront things that they themselves just need a second longer to think about or experience the situation to the fullest. We rush the process. We rush the conversation. Creating this robotic factory of socialization. In a constant need to solve right away, what rushed choices created hazardous outcomes to someone else or yourself? We need more patience with our friends, who like us are experiencing life in their own way, and just need time to grow and understand.

Artist unknown, source would be lovely

Artist unknown, source would be lovely

In relationships, patience is easier to explain. However, this is also where it’s commonly ignored. It takes a lot of patience to let anyone into your life romantically or sexually. Those two words are two different situations but aren’t mutually exclusive. Dating takes patience, as does marriage. To bring someone into your life, and intermingle with their way of existing with yours takes way more work than people think. For one meshing lives so intimately can drive anyone insane. To stop from being taxed by emotional excess or the performative aspects of relationships it takes time. Giving in to sex drives, money, work, career, or even a hobby can take away from the foundations of what makes a relationship worth having. Lost in the outside, it's easy to forget the person of your heart needs time with you to. Worse, if you are consumed by your relationship, and leave no time for others you leave little time for other friends to even be in your life. Driving away from a secondary relationship and support that is just as important. It's easy to forget the world around you needs a little time when focusing on the bond you have with your partner. Getting lost in a relationship and its intricacies can create isolation from the world, and on a  small scale isolation from your platonic relationships. 

There are many differing opinions on when patience should be used. It's easily confused for "tolerance" and in that confusion to avoid bad tolerance a lot of little day to day interactions are swept away to favor that idea. I'm not a stranger to feeling that my patience is overused and given too liberally, but I'm aware that there are spaces and interactions that could use more of it. My activism and constant advocacy can drive my patience to zero, but I'm working on making sure I still have patience for those i surround and share my energy with. 

Give a little patience today, and you'll find strength in the bonds you felt were weakening. Till next time, - Empress Jade. 

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