Jadedisland

Mentality

The various moments in my life, along with advice, motivations and fashionable perspectives. 

 Cleric - Yukijoro

Inspired by my academic pursuit and personal roots with psychology, mental health, and healing Yukijoro is the second facet I named. The myth of the fantasy creature/spirit and ice deity spoke to me when I read about, "the woman who died in winter". After experiencing and overcoming some of severe trials of my own, I often felt like I was trapped in ice, looking towards a positive and beautiful world. So the frozen healer holding a mirror is one of my perceptions of self. My stronger, but perhaps melancholic, muse helped me through loneliness and isolation by reshaping my writing voice and emotive style. The focus of my writing style under the influence of my inner muse yukijoro is "mentality" and the overall reflection of the emotions that lie deep within. My hope is to process the life lived and the life I hold now. Of all my writing voices, this is the most true to the me now, I am still the woman who is healing from her winter. This facet has the most presence on my blog, as she is the one reflecting on my journey and experiences. 

You can catch this guide on my main blog sharing my wisdom, experiences, and reflections. 

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Working towards more fulfilling self-love and exploration is the goal of all my writing, and why I explore how I navigate my life. If you feel you need help building an emotive goal, you can now email or message me at your discretion. - E&HS: Setting Emotive Goals

A Note from Jade

These glimpses of my life like chapters of breathing memoir vary from topic to topic. Some are heavy, and some are light please keep in mind that these are moments from my life past, present, and dreams for the future. -Jade


Chapter 41: Business Clothing Disassociation

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Empress and Her Spectacle: Business Clothing Disassociation

Sticker by Third Clavicle

Sticker by Third Clavicle

At first, I didn’t notice how frequent this occurrence is. This might be because I view my style as an extension of my inner selves. When I get home from work, my instincts have me drop my outfit off my body. I disrobe faster than caffeine depletes while pulling an all-nighter. It’s become a ritual just to remove my business wear and sink into my gem decorated bed. Why is that? I reflected on the signs of dissociation when you are working in a job you hate or work in a negative space.

A King Needs no Clothes:

I remember reading about how people in my economic bracket well run themselves poor trying to keep up with the status of their co-workers. I mean really quickly, I noticed how my co-workers had the latest apple gear, and how they dressed. I felt a severe amount of pressure to assimilate into a business casual caricature. I even bought the $160 Air-Pods and wore a JORD watch to keep up with them. I was a foolish mortal. Still even going to thrift stores, and shopping at Macy’s for business casual attire cost several not pretty pennies.

All this energy and wage put towards looking a part, but yet I get rid of this aesthetic as soon as I get home. Turns out, that no matter how cute my outfit is, and you know I do cute professional well. I can’t stand the caricature of what I dress like. I felt so performative that I reject the style I perform for a job I’ve come to despise. It got to the point that my mind and body do not want to associate with my current place of work. To give you better insight, I will keep on my outfits from other events, and when I’m home, I’m in no rush to take it off. The outfit ties me to a memory, and a feeling and I cherish it as long as my body cleanliness and odor allows. I’ll walk down the halls and chat or cook in those outfits. The cute outfits from work hardly see the interior of my house. They disappear and get packed away like a horrible secret.

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As someone who exits in a visual expression world, it’s extremely telling that within the confines of my work life, that isn’t supportive or uplifting in any way, that I display this rejection so physically. For a long time, I refused wearing pink hair, and wasting my Fenty Beauty foundation. I was rebelling my presence and pink energy in such a negative space. The rebellion at first I thought was the corporation. A big fist of “F this establishment.” I was wrong the uprising was a message to myself. How I dress is so reflective of who I am, my mood, and my story. I quickly came to understand that I was finished, and my energy did not deserve this treatment.

Decorating Hell:

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The second thing to nudge me along the way of updating LinkedIn and dusting off the Resume was how much effort I put into making my desk space safe for me. It was so pink and cute, I was trying to create a safe space for me to exist in while I worked. The company ate that up, complimented how pink things were. Often very touchy feely with that space. I felt sick. No matter how pink it was I did not feel at home in my office space, but I kept trying to the point I bought a cactus mug for my pens and have a framed image of stretching from a friend for comfort. Nothing worked, I was decorating my torture chamber for what? For whom? It was another performative action that had me second guess my energy and effort in this space.

I was tired of it. Only recently did I start taking away my desk décor and organizers going back down the bare minimum. As my mother taught me, you start packing when you’re ready to bounce. Ever since my letter of resignation is pending as a draft. I’m prepared to leave and these signs as small as they were, are actually the loudest actions I have taken.

Have more thoughts? Email: Jadedisland@gmail.com 

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