Chapter 45: Pawn to Queen
Empress & Her Spectacle: Pawn to Queen
I quit my job as an office administrative assistant on June 4th. I have been doing nothing ever since, and I’m glad I was able to take a breath of fresh air and sleep. I needed to rest and recover, and while I didn’t get the break, I needed because of deadlines and social pressures, it still helped that for a moment I just stopped. Quitting my job was one of the bigger essential adult choices that I’ve made in a long time. I mean I’m poor with or without a job but having a job eased some financial stress. However, it got to the point where my mental decline, my soul, and my mentality could not suffer the strain of my previous place of work any longer.
I was so scared to leave, and of the consequences after doing so. My mom is the one who supports my family, growing up with a single parent, and being the oldest of five, I helped my mom keep our family afloat. I knew it was terrible to quit, but my mom told me, “You’re too young to have this type of stress from a job,” and it just hit me. I mean I slammed into the brick wall that said: “Bitch it is not worth living paycheck to paycheck for this shit.” So I woke up at 3:00 am and said bye. Over the next few days, I panicked about whether I would find another job. I worried that if my dreams and goals for Jadedisland would come to a screeching halt since I couldn’t pay for its financial needs. I was from head to toe, scared that everything I worked for that I cared about would end because I quit my job.
Little did I know that quitting that job was the most significant part of my self-care for 2019. I’m not saying everyone should quit their jobs. It’s scary and a big choice to make. I will say its freeing. I mean I went from pawn to queen. In chess, this move is called “Promotion.” The irony is that’s a term that never would happen at my old job. Essentially if you get your pawn to the other side of the board, you can exchange it for any of your lost pieces of the same color. Leaving my job, being the lowest staff member, I was able to go from a pawn back to the queen I am. I’m celebrating this freedom, I’m scared for my future and the chance of financial stability, but I’m also hopeful. Success is what you make it be, and I haven’t given up on myself by quitting my job. I gave myself the chance to flourish. Now the Next move is on me, and I plan to win.