Jadedisland

Mentality

The various moments in my life, along with advice, motivations and fashionable perspectives. 

 Cleric - Yukijoro

Inspired by my academic pursuit and personal roots with psychology, mental health, and healing Yukijoro is the second facet I named. The myth of the fantasy creature/spirit and ice deity spoke to me when I read about, "the woman who died in winter". After experiencing and overcoming some of severe trials of my own, I often felt like I was trapped in ice, looking towards a positive and beautiful world. So the frozen healer holding a mirror is one of my perceptions of self. My stronger, but perhaps melancholic, muse helped me through loneliness and isolation by reshaping my writing voice and emotive style. The focus of my writing style under the influence of my inner muse yukijoro is "mentality" and the overall reflection of the emotions that lie deep within. My hope is to process the life lived and the life I hold now. Of all my writing voices, this is the most true to the me now, I am still the woman who is healing from her winter. This facet has the most presence on my blog, as she is the one reflecting on my journey and experiences. 

You can catch this guide on my main blog sharing my wisdom, experiences, and reflections. 

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Working towards more fulfilling self-love and exploration is the goal of all my writing, and why I explore how I navigate my life. If you feel you need help building an emotive goal, you can now email or message me at your discretion. - E&HS: Setting Emotive Goals

A Note from Jade

These glimpses of my life like chapters of breathing memoir vary from topic to topic. Some are heavy, and some are light please keep in mind that these are moments from my life past, present, and dreams for the future. -Jade


Chapter 44: Loki of Positivity

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I got asked how I confront negativity and maintain positivity and support for black femmes today, and I thought I would reflect on it. I guess I should start by saying I don’t view myself as a hero for positivity. If I had to be a hero or advocate, it would be for the balance of emotional authenticity. There is good and bad, and I don’t shy away from either. If I’m afraid I admit it if I’m out of energy I say so, and if I want to be happy I strive for it. There are so many ups and downs with Mania that I’ve come to take these feelings as just who I am. Recently I had the perplexing experience of both empathizing and feeling the sheer rage at someone I care about. I was confused at the duality of these feelings so much, so I just needed to step back and simmer before I went full Loki on Asgard.

I used to hate the duality of trying to be positive while experiencing so much bad. I was raised to put on a brave face and step up. When I was younger, the concept of “weakness of the mind” was foreign to me. It just didn’t exist, and I was upholding the perception of strength and positivity to my emotional detriment. I hated myself, and that self-hate still lingers. It wraps around me when I glance at the mirror. It whispers to me as I lay in bed alone surrounded by all things pink, hello kitty, and cactus. A pink filter doesn’t stop negative, it just makes things easier to tolerate or be content. If anything, I accept the negative in my life equally with the good.

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It would be impossible to be a force for positivity. No matter how many people view me as such, I know that I’m not a hero. I’m not a sparkling force for all that is good in the world. I can be angry, I  can despair, and be at the brink of giving up and yes I’ll have pink hair doing it. I fear a lot of things, but what I don’t fear is the honesty of my feelings and the weight of my experiences. It can get pretty damn dark in my personal life. It just doesn’t stop me from pushing through the miasma to see the light. You cannot succeed without holding yourself accountable, so when it comes to negativity, I confront it, and I acknowledge it. I might have grown and changed since my past self, but that doesn’t change it happened. What it does do is allow me to learn to be better and receptive to positive changes.