Jadedisland

Mentality

The various moments in my life, along with advice, motivations and fashionable perspectives. 

 Cleric - Yukijoro

Inspired by my academic pursuit and personal roots with psychology, mental health, and healing Yukijoro is the second facet I named. The myth of the fantasy creature/spirit and ice deity spoke to me when I read about, "the woman who died in winter". After experiencing and overcoming some of severe trials of my own, I often felt like I was trapped in ice, looking towards a positive and beautiful world. So the frozen healer holding a mirror is one of my perceptions of self. My stronger, but perhaps melancholic, muse helped me through loneliness and isolation by reshaping my writing voice and emotive style. The focus of my writing style under the influence of my inner muse yukijoro is "mentality" and the overall reflection of the emotions that lie deep within. My hope is to process the life lived and the life I hold now. Of all my writing voices, this is the most true to the me now, I am still the woman who is healing from her winter. This facet has the most presence on my blog, as she is the one reflecting on my journey and experiences. 

You can catch this guide on my main blog sharing my wisdom, experiences, and reflections. 

20181118_000712036_iOS.jpg
_20190121_125013.JPG

Working towards more fulfilling self-love and exploration is the goal of all my writing, and why I explore how I navigate my life. If you feel you need help building an emotive goal, you can now email or message me at your discretion. - E&HS: Setting Emotive Goals

A Note from Jade

These glimpses of my life like chapters of breathing memoir vary from topic to topic. Some are heavy, and some are light please keep in mind that these are moments from my life past, present, and dreams for the future. -Jade


Chapter 34: Burnout or Turnout
20181229_191919546_iOS.jpg

Empress & Her Spectacle: Burnout or Turnout

I keep having surreal experiences at my current job, I say current because in all truth I’m pretty sure that I want to be in an environment that supports mental health and doesn’t drive me to tears at the end of each workday. While conversing with my best friend, and co-host on Ambiguous Anthology she told me about the BuzzFeed article that named millennials “Burnout Generation.” Now I had the chance to read it, but there was a subsequent article that further hit home the idea. Follow up on the article “This is what Black Burnout feels like.”

20181229_191555600_iOS.jpg

I work under the assumption that I’m not good enough, and if I don’t do more, I won’t get anywhere in life. It’s a nagging feeling that I’m failing at where I am supposed to be in life. What does 24 on the cusp of 25 looks like for a Black Femme with an unused bachelors look like? For now, it means working 8 am to 5 pm questioning the use of my time if it is as they say significantly undervalued. Walking into a place day in and day out only to be greeted with the energy “you’re not enough” drains everything I have. More often than not, I’m working through lunch breaks because I feel like I need to compensate since I’m an administrative assistant who doesn’t drive or have a car. The pinnacle of overworking is it takes a toll on your physical health.

For however long ago in early 2018, my damn wisdom tooth chipped. Sure, I had mouth pains that made me want to slam my face in my desk, but I kept working. Forgetting that I needed the energy and time to take care of myself. I finally went to the dentist, because the pain was too much. I sucked up my fear and found out I’ve had an exposed nerve this whole time. When my dentist listed out all the possible pains I would experience being in that state I felt like I was going through a tinder checklist. Seeing my tooth in real time further hit home, I had pushed myself too far with no care. Sacrificing me, for an hourly wage. Living like this is normal for me. It’s what I witnessed growing up under the care of a single mother who didn’t have the support she needed.

20181229_191817186_iOS.jpg

I think to myself this is what living should be. How do I break this mentality? Working myself till my human parts don’t work no more is robotic and scary. I’m more than a capitalism machine trying to survive. When does life become fulfilling instead of draining? Reading about what Black Burnout looks like reminded me that there hasn’t been an end to our burnout as a community yet. We’ve been in the thick of financial stress, educational woes, and surviving the aftermath of generational trauma. I just can’t believe I finally saw an article putting to words a feeling I’ve had for a decade now just now in 2019.

Have you ever felt this way?